Hw 19

Rachel,
You use a lot of evidence from different websites that help convey your message and your thoughts about this topic.

You feel like technology helps us connect faster with each other, video games help us with our hand eye coordination, and viewing television helps stimulate our minds.

Even though I feel like you have many good points that help defend your thesis, my thoughts are very different when compared to yours. I feel like this is all impacting our society in a negative way like I stated before. Even though technology does help us connect with each other faster, we cannot limit ourselves and the amount of time we are using these technological devices. They are always testing our patience and we cannot seem to live without them simply because we rely on them too much. Also with playing video games and watching television we are only supposed to do that when we have nothing else to do, which is never. I feel like we have become addicted to them and they take away precious time. We may be challenging our self playing a video game but how will this help us in the future? In a job interview will they ask us what level of a certain game we have gotten up to? It’s simply just for entertainment, nothing else at all.

I think that you do a great job letting out all your ideas, but I think that they should flow together better. I feel as if you just wrote down all your thoughts and ideas, which is absolutely fine for a rough draft. When writing your final draft you should build up to your evidence “tie in” the quote then defend your arguments.

While reading your paper I get to understand your point of view on this topic and where we have similar thoughts and where they differ.

It was nice seeing you work off your outline.

Later,
Amber M.

Remy SB has not posted her rough draft ... I will make comments as soon as it is posted up...