Hw 17

Hey Remy,

I like your essential question and thesis. The thesis seems to be “fit” and is stated as if it is a fact; I am sure Andy will appreciate this.

You will be using many sources in your paper which will do you lots of good. Some of these sources will be from video sites such as youtube, and others may be from famous plays.

These ideas connect with what others have to say about digitalization and our media. Even if readers do not agree they will be able to give it some time and think about the idea.

I think that you should have actually started to write you paragraphs for the outline. You just seem to bullet point random sources and ideas, which seem to confuse me a bit. That’s why the only things I really like so far are the EQ and thesis. Next time for an outline you should try to write in complete sentences so I can get a better idea of what you are aiming for and be able to give you better feedback.

After looking at your thesis, I agree I should make my thesis stronger so that the reader can see where I stand. I feel like my thesis is very weak for such a big topic that I will be discussing in my paper.

I look forward to reading full sentences in your paper lol.
Later,
Amber M.

ANDREW HAS NOT POSTED ANYTHING UP YET...SO I AM COMMENTING ON RACHEL'S OUTLINE

Rachel,

I like your opposing point of view. Many people feel as if this digital craze is affecting us in a negative way. After reading your outline I see you have some good points which will hopefully stand out better in your actual paper.

You feel like modern technology helps us interact with each other in a much less time consuming manor. Video games seem to help us stimulate our minds, and watching television helps us think more deeply about what is actually being viewed.

Compared to your outline, my views on this topic are completely different. I feel that even though digital devices help us connect with each other faster, they are depended on a lot, which is not a good thing. I feel like even though video games do stimulate our minds we cannot limit ourselves and how long we use them. The same thing goes for television viewing; many of the things that are on there will not help us in the near future, yet we seem to stare at it all day.

I think that you have some really interesting points in your outline. You can make it better by having a more “tight” thesis; I feel like you are saying too many things and it just lost me and I forget what your main point is. You should also use examples of what you are trying to prove so that the reader will have a better understanding of what you are trying to say.

After reading your outline it makes me think more about my views on this topic and how it relates to yours. We seem to be on the same page here but are directed in to a different pathway.

I look forward to reading your ideas in your paper.
Ttyl,
Amber M.